Like most women...i go through heartbreak, i have broken hearts, some more so then others, i have had it done to me more than enough times, what it seems like anyways.

Recently i just ended things with my boyfriend of 7 months, it was really hard, of course like all tough break ups, there was tears, regret, and attempting to comprimise, unfortunatley this time, this was a situation that could not be comprimised in any way. This broken guy was made because of me, i felt guilty, and i still do, i have this feeling that i still wanna be his friend but i know it wont happen, because there will always be that thought there of what could have been, if i wasnt so independent and selfish.

When it comes to relationships, after they end, is there always going to be that ghost there, that you have to confront??

And of course i mean ghost metaphorically, there are still things that i know i must confront, but doing just that is what seems impossible to me, I am always going to regret not facing certain things from my past, but i am also a firm believer in "some things are better left unsaid" It has done me good in the past, it has also given me bad ju ju, as i like to call it, and yes the ju ju has already begun, bad things are starting to happen left and right, unless of course that is guilt for what i am feeling.

Or maybe there will be closure without all the drama, it can come from working on myself as a person. I will always have the memories of the great times that we spent together and know that for one breif moment in time i was treated with the most amazing, door opening, pull my chair out when i go to sit down respect that i never felt or exppreienced in any other relationship, and just leave it at that....that is the selfish part of me coming out, but we all do that sometimes

later

A 747!!

Well you are probably asking yourself, What?? The title of my blog obviously caught your attention, so step one complete. I am going to keep my best to keep you intregued.

My name is Deedra, I am 25, like most women, single on and off in my life, although i do have a boyfriend, there are certain aspects about men, not just one man, but all men, that i must whine and complain about. I have 3 great loves at the moment in my life, my girlfriends, were would a girl be without them, you cant get through a breakup without them, you know they will be there for in a rutt, no matter what that rutt may bring, then there is a girls passion, the boyfriend, who has a comfort zone that know one else can reach, you feel close, you have personal and intimate times that you share on a regular basis, you can talk and sometimes a boyfriend can meet all your needs, which in logical terms, makes them not needs anymore...that is if you can find it in yourself to allow him to evolve in your life. And last but not least there is the other boyfriend, No, not literally boyfriend...but, "boyfriend" you know the one who can be a women and a man, you know the gay sidekick, he knows all your fears as well, he knows how to put a smile on your face no matter what, the sky is the limit on how much you love this guy...but you know that is a love bond like no other, its different from all the rest, and it is defently one that you know will never be ruined by something as simple as sex, he is always brutaly honest, thats why you shop with him, he can be shallow, but you love it, sometimes you need that insight on certain people..you love him for being him and that is all that really matters.

So i just gave you the jist of my life and probably like yours too...for the most part anyways.

My first topic I think should be brought to attention is how do some guys handle emotional baggage in a women??

Not saying that I am one of those emotional women, but i do beleive that i have an emotional past when it comes to relationships, if you are reading this and you know exactly who i am, you know that about me.

With the divorce rate now up to 50%, its no wonder a lot of women have this baggage, or as i like to call it a "womens cargo" , it may be a carry on, or can fill the luggage rack of a 747, it never seems to scare men away. i wonder if some men perfer dating women with a clean dating slate??

I find that men love to feel needed and valued, a women with a "cargo package" tend to bring out their protetective nature, all because they have endured hardships.

Believe me it can be scary to expose any kind of hardship to a new man in your life. a person should be honest and unapologetic about your past hardships. You should tell him off the bat about important things like divorce, but spare the gorey details. These days it seems as if it is the norm to have that baggage on you.....live, learn.....have fun.

I am going to end this wonderful evening with one of my fav quotes from my visual bible...thats right you guessed it, sex and the city:

"People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates to hit the jackpot, but you usually end up broke and drinking at the bar alone." -Carrie

night gals and guys....